"That's the first pic I've taken with [my daughter]. All the others are just her."

A client sent me that at Christmas 2024. Five years of trips to the same hotel. Every photo was just her. He was the one holding the phone.

He's almost 50 and a former offensive lineman. At his peak he weighed over 360 pounds. His knees took years of hits on the line. They're bone on bone, and a knee replacement is coming.

Every pound he carries lands on those knees. My job is to push that replacement out as far as we can.

The pattern

This man has more discipline in one finger than most fitness coaches in their entire body. Before he worked with me, he lost 100 pounds on a diet called Carb Nite (don't ask). Then stress at work brought all of it back.

In his words: "I was either fully restricted or wide open. And once we were wide open, let's just stay wide open."

His discipline was fine. It just always ran on somebody else's rules. When the rules went away, or work blew up, there was nothing of his own to hold on to.

So I didn't give him a better diet. I wanted every decision to end up his.

First, a plate he could build anywhere

We started with how to build a meal. No calories at first, nothing off limits. The same plate at home, with colleagues or on the road.

Training too. He wanted five days a week. A week later he couldn't do two of them. We settled on three short workouts with lifts that don't aggravate his old injuries.

Then, restaurants on purpose

Every week, he'd take his girlfriend out to dinner. No clients, no colleagues. Just practice: try things on the menu, adjust his order, make the call himself with nobody checking.

On a diet, restaurants are the places you avoid. We put him in them until the right call was easy.

Then, I handed it over

A year and a half after that Christmas photo, he took his daughter to Rome, Amalfi and Ibiza. 11 days.

No rules from me this time. He'd practiced enough. He set his own limit: "I've given myself four pounds to gain while I'm there."

I gave him one goal: stay present with his daughter.

The gelato

The first time they went for gelato, he wasn't going to get any. His daughter asked him: "You're not going to have ice cream with me?"

He told me it took him a second to realize: "We're gonna have ice cream together. That's a thing. Not your stupid diet."

He got the sorbet. (I'd have told him to get the gelato but hey, his rules.)

The old him would have skipped it and missed the moment with her. Or had the triple portion, called the trip blown, and stayed wide open. He did neither. That's the middle gear he never had.

One pound down

In Rome they walked 25,000 steps a day. On those knees, it hurt the whole time.

On the plane to Spain, I asked how the food over there was sitting with him.

He came home one pound down from before he left. He'd given himself four to gain.

"I would not be able to do what I just did if I was 360."

What this means for you

On and off doesn't work. You know that already.

But every time it falls apart, you blame yourself. That's who you are. You own everything, right?

All those trips, client dinners and busy quarters don't help either.

And what if you and your schedule were never the problem? What if the game you played was designed to make you lose?

This gentleman didn't find his middle gear on vacation. He built it by taking his girlfriend out to dinner. Relaxed and in a perfect position to make good decisions. So when things got tight, those decisions were second nature.

If you've lost it before and it came back the minute you got busy, let's build something that survives your trips and client dinners.

To your last restart,
Bart

P.S. Curious: what usually wrecks it for you on a trip? The hotel breakfast buffet? The minibar at midnight? Hit reply and tell me.

Bart Cagara

Helping founders get in shape one last time.

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